Sunday, August 13, 2006
While I Was Away...
We haven't had a working PC in the house since the first of July. Makes it difficult to be a good blogger. But now I have a laptop and free wi-fi, courtesy of our public library.
An interesting thing happened about the same time we lost use of our computer:
I found myself unexpectedly, but joyously, pregnant at age 44.
It seemed like it might actually go well this time. An ultrasound at 6 weeks showed that this definitely would not be a blighted ovum, meaning I got further along this time than I ever had before. Hubby and I dared to get a little hopeful.
The next sonogram, 10 days later, made our hope premature. No heartbeat was found. Although the doctor was neither encouraged nor encouraging, my hCG levels were still increasing nicely so he said to give it one more week.
Unfortunately, the ultrasound last Monday revealed NO heartbeat, NO fetal pole and a yolk sac that appeared to be distintegrating.
My D&C is scheduled for first thing tomorrow morning.
They let me wait a week before the procedure. You see, we had out-of-town houseguests: my husband's parents. We didn't want to let them know what was going on. They are very, very religious in a born-again christian kind of way. I am anything but religious. Agnostic that I am, I knew I would not be able to take their "god's will" approach. The last thing I want is for someone to be praying for me and my dead baby around the dinner table.
An interesting side note related to their being here: it's been a distraction that has kept me from feeling sad about this. I thought at first, it would be difficult to put on m "happy face" for the duration of their visit. But, I truly haven't had time to sit around and feel sad. They departed earlier and my husband is at work. But, I'm too busy cleaning up the house, and now figuring out this new laptop, to think much about it.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Will it hit me full-force then? When my hormone levels crash, will it hit me head-on? Or am I numb, beyond feeling the pain?
An interesting thing happened about the same time we lost use of our computer:
I found myself unexpectedly, but joyously, pregnant at age 44.
It seemed like it might actually go well this time. An ultrasound at 6 weeks showed that this definitely would not be a blighted ovum, meaning I got further along this time than I ever had before. Hubby and I dared to get a little hopeful.
The next sonogram, 10 days later, made our hope premature. No heartbeat was found. Although the doctor was neither encouraged nor encouraging, my hCG levels were still increasing nicely so he said to give it one more week.
Unfortunately, the ultrasound last Monday revealed NO heartbeat, NO fetal pole and a yolk sac that appeared to be distintegrating.
My D&C is scheduled for first thing tomorrow morning.
They let me wait a week before the procedure. You see, we had out-of-town houseguests: my husband's parents. We didn't want to let them know what was going on. They are very, very religious in a born-again christian kind of way. I am anything but religious. Agnostic that I am, I knew I would not be able to take their "god's will" approach. The last thing I want is for someone to be praying for me and my dead baby around the dinner table.
An interesting side note related to their being here: it's been a distraction that has kept me from feeling sad about this. I thought at first, it would be difficult to put on m "happy face" for the duration of their visit. But, I truly haven't had time to sit around and feel sad. They departed earlier and my husband is at work. But, I'm too busy cleaning up the house, and now figuring out this new laptop, to think much about it.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Will it hit me full-force then? When my hormone levels crash, will it hit me head-on? Or am I numb, beyond feeling the pain?
# posted by Martian1 @ 12:51 PM 
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