Sunday, March 12, 2006
Paying it forward still not easy decision
I myself am an adoptee. You would think that it would be an easy decision for me to want to adopt myself. You know, pay it forward, so to speak. But, it's something I just don't feel driven to do. My husband would not have a problem with adopting, but me -- the adoptee -- would. Go figure. It's hard to put my finger on why, but here are some of the reasons I've come up with so far. Feel free to poke holes in any or all of them.
1.) At age 44, I'm starting to get the usual aches and pains in my ankles, knees and shoulders. By the time an adoption would be finalized, I'm not sure I would be able to go right to picking up a 15-20 lb. child and carrying her around without hurting myself. At least if I had a newborn, I would be starting with about 8 lbs. and gradually working up to the weight as the child grew. Is it true that at my age, one is just too old to be a new parent?
2.) There's no question that both Hubby and I would have to continue working full time and our child would have to be in daycare for about 10 hours a day. I wouldn't feel right about going through everything needed to complete an adoption and then just putting the kid in a daycare setting for up to 50 hours a week. And what would this do with regards to the attachment issues you sometimes hear about with international adoptions?
3.) Although I don't believe in a god who controls fate and influences outcomes, I do wonder if there are some people who just aren't meant to be parents. And if that plan might not include Hubby and I. I think about my own parents, who lovingly adopted me and certainly did the best they could. But my mom has had life-long anxiety problems. My dad is an alcoholic. They weren't horrible parents, but often I wonder if their fertility issues (issues that would be so easily solved in this day and age) were part of some Master Plan in the cosmos that were meant to keep them from raising children. Maybe Hubby and I are in that part of the Master Plan, too. Which is a good segue into my next point...
4.) For so many years, I wanted nothing to do with the idea of having kids. So shouldn't I face the fact that I made my true choice early on and live with that decision? In other words, I made my bed, now it's time to lie in it.
5.) Trying to get and stay pregnant has been an emotional roller coaster. So tired...I'm ready to get off this ride. I'm not sure I could handle getting on a different roller coaster right now. From some of the blogs I've been reading, the adoption roller coaster sounds even worse than the infertility roller coaster. I just don't think I have the emotional strength for that right now. Don't know if I ever will.
Too tired, even, to go on further. In anyone knows how to poke sufficient holes in the above arguments, I'm open to hearing them.
1.) At age 44, I'm starting to get the usual aches and pains in my ankles, knees and shoulders. By the time an adoption would be finalized, I'm not sure I would be able to go right to picking up a 15-20 lb. child and carrying her around without hurting myself. At least if I had a newborn, I would be starting with about 8 lbs. and gradually working up to the weight as the child grew. Is it true that at my age, one is just too old to be a new parent?
2.) There's no question that both Hubby and I would have to continue working full time and our child would have to be in daycare for about 10 hours a day. I wouldn't feel right about going through everything needed to complete an adoption and then just putting the kid in a daycare setting for up to 50 hours a week. And what would this do with regards to the attachment issues you sometimes hear about with international adoptions?
3.) Although I don't believe in a god who controls fate and influences outcomes, I do wonder if there are some people who just aren't meant to be parents. And if that plan might not include Hubby and I. I think about my own parents, who lovingly adopted me and certainly did the best they could. But my mom has had life-long anxiety problems. My dad is an alcoholic. They weren't horrible parents, but often I wonder if their fertility issues (issues that would be so easily solved in this day and age) were part of some Master Plan in the cosmos that were meant to keep them from raising children. Maybe Hubby and I are in that part of the Master Plan, too. Which is a good segue into my next point...
4.) For so many years, I wanted nothing to do with the idea of having kids. So shouldn't I face the fact that I made my true choice early on and live with that decision? In other words, I made my bed, now it's time to lie in it.
5.) Trying to get and stay pregnant has been an emotional roller coaster. So tired...I'm ready to get off this ride. I'm not sure I could handle getting on a different roller coaster right now. From some of the blogs I've been reading, the adoption roller coaster sounds even worse than the infertility roller coaster. I just don't think I have the emotional strength for that right now. Don't know if I ever will.
Too tired, even, to go on further. In anyone knows how to poke sufficient holes in the above arguments, I'm open to hearing them.
